


That one night;

by GinevraJ



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Music, Musicians, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:47:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23774074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinevraJ/pseuds/GinevraJ
Summary: Jihoon is a failed musician trying to get by, but it starts to become really difficult.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 17
Kudos: 78





	That one night;

In his recently made 21 years of life Jihoon learned three things:

-Coke doesn’t go well with  _ everything. _

-People move on even if you don’t.

-Life sucks.

And those were the only three things that he really believed in. The situations in his life made him learn that. Especially the latter, because he was in the worst moment of his life.

It had been a year since he came out to his parents and still, they didn’t talk to him in that whole year.

Jihoon was living in the city centre of Seoul, far enough for him to not cross paths with anyone he knew because probably his parents told everybody that he was dead or something like that. They were capable of doing that. 

He lived alone in a tiny apartment that he could barely afford because he didn’t have time to work so he could study and keep up his grades, or else he wouldn’t have a scholarship. Also, arts are dying and nobody seemed to like his music.

So Jihoon was in his twenties, an unsuccessful musician with no money. 

Great. 

And there’s also the fact that he didn’t seem capable of doing any friends, like, _ at all. _

So his birthday came and he decided that instead of staying at home and cry over how pathetic his life had become, he would rather go out and have some fun. He went to the nearest club and ordered the strongest drink they had. And that’s where his positivity went down the drain because he started to drown his sorrows in alcohol. It was his birthday. He had been alive for two decades and the only thing that life gave him was a big slap in the face.

His parents used to smile every time he played the piano, and now the only thing people smile for when they hear his music is to laugh at him.

When he lost count of how many drinks he had, a guy sat down next to him.

“I would ask you if you want a drink, but it seems like you’re served,” he said with a big smile.

“Nobody is stopping you,” he replied with a smile, which was mostly because he was hella drunk, but the guy didn’t seem to mind because he ordered two more drinks. 

“What’s your name?”

“Does it matter?” Jihoon replied.

“Well, I’m asking, so it must matter  _ something _ .”

“Jihoon.” he finally said.

“Seungcheol.” the other one replied with a smile. 

“Great. So, what made you come talk to me Seungcheol? Because I’m sure it wasn’t my great personality.” Jihoon spoke while sipping his drink, he wouldn’t normally be that outgoing, but the booze was helping a lot.

“Why not? If you’re capable of drinking all of that and still be standing it should mean that you have a great personality.” Seungcheol said while paying for the drinks.

“I’m not standing and it could also mean that I have a drinking problem.” he talked and then took another sip. “Which I don’t, by the way.”

“If you say so,” Seungcheol replied while drinking from his cup.

“Ok, let’s take a shortcut. What were you expecting when you came to talk to me? Because if it’s sex we can skip the talk and get to the fun part.”

Seungcheol laughed throwing his head back, it looked like a genuine laugh and it had been a long time since Jihoon hadn’t heard one of those, he smiled without noticing.

“I think talking to you already is the fun part.”

“Great, tell that to my classmates, maybe I could make some friends with that.”

“I don’t think so, you’re great.” Seungcheol talked with a smile, Jihoon looked at him with a raised eyebrow. 

“You’re already drunk? You haven’t even finished that yet.” he pointed at his cup while talking, getting another laugh from Seungcheol.

“How old are you?” he asked when he finished laughing.

“Today twenty-one.” he murmured before taking another sip.

“It’s your birthday? Happy birthday!” he cheered with a huge smile. 

“Thank you,” Jihoon replied softly, he didn’t think somebody would tell him that today, at least not with such enthusiasm.

“What are you doing, drinking alone on your birthday?”

“Consequences of not having friends.” Seungcheol frowned.

“I don’t believe you, there must be someone. You don’t have any childhood friends?”

“I don’t know. They probably think I’m dead since I came out to my parents and they’ve been behaving like I am for a whole year. They probably told everyone that I’m dead or something.”

Seungcheol looked at him with his eyebrows pinched in a frown and he stood quiet for a moment, Jihoon already knew that he fucked up. But he was so drunk and he couldn’t help feeling a bit funny and not knowing how to behave himself.

“Alright, how about we go out for a while and take some fresh air?” he said while taking his hand to make him stand up.

Jihoon was surprised by that, but he managed to finish his drink before getting dragged by Seungcheol.

“If you want to take me to your house you just have to say it, I don’t care.”

Seungcheol laughed and he didn’t let go of his hand while they were walking away from the club. Jihoon felt the fresh air on his cheeks, it must’ve been so late, there was no one in sight, even though it was a Saturday.

“Are we going to your house?” he asked again.

“No, we’re not going to my house. We’re gonna walk a little. Is that okay with you?” Jihoon nodded and noticed that Seungcheol was still holding his hand, weird enough, Jihoon didn’t seem to bother. “Ok, tell me something about you, what are you studying?

“Music production,” he answered calmly, Seungcheol looked at him surprised.

“So, a musician?” he said with a smile.

“No, not if I keep on going like this, no,” Jihoon replied rolling his eyes. “What are you studying?

“Oh, lucky me, I already ended all of that, I’m working now.” Jihoon raised his head and looked at him.

“How old are you?”

“I’m 23 years old,” Seungcheol answered calmly with a smile.

Jihoon felt his hand still intertwined with Seungcheol’s and for a moment he felt secure.

“And what do you do?”

“Oh, something boring, you wouldn’t care, even less if you’re drunk. Finance,” he replied with a smile.

“So you’re a businessman?” Jihoon looked at him with a smile, Seungcheol nodded. “You don’t look like one.”

“Great. Because I would hate to look like my boss.” both of them started to laugh loudly.

Jihoon wasn’t normally like this, he supposed that it was because he was really drunk and holding Seungcheol’s hand kept him steady. It could also be the fact that it had been a long time since he felt so close to a person.

They kept on talking about everything while walking calmly. Jihoon’s cheeks hurt from laughing so much, Seungcheol was so funny and it was simply so warm talking to him and feeling like somebody listened and cared about what he had to say.

“Do you want to go eat something?” Seungcheol asked when they walked by a 24h McDonalds.

“I’m starving,” he replied making Seungcheol enter the place.

It was completely empty because it was already late, so they didn’t have to make any line to order. They stayed there for a while, arguing about who should pay. And when they finally decided that they were both going to pay they went on arguing about how much was half of it. Wasting the guy’s patience, who had to work until late and also hear Seungcheol and Jihoon arguing like an old couple. When in reality, they only met an hour ago.

They both sat down at one of the tables near the windows with everything that they ordered, which was a lot.

“You’re not gonna eat all of that,” Seungcheol said with a smile.

“Why not? It’s nothing.”

“It’s nothing? I don’t want to know what’s a lot for you.” Jihoon laughed and bit his burger.

“I’m a college student, this is my daily diet,” he replied with a wide smile and then bit the burger again.

“It’s just… You don’t look like you eat a lot.”

“Hey! Just because you’re bigger than me doesn’t mean that I eat less than you.” they both laughed.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Believe me.” Jihoon talked with a smile and then stole one of his fries, Seungcheol laughed.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Then look.” Jihoon kept on stealing his food with a smile plastered on his face.

“But finish yours first!” he screamed while laughing, Jihoon laughed, too and then leaned back in the chair he was sitting in, taking another bite of his burger.

They kept on talking and eating calmly while laughing about whatever. When Jihoon finished his drink, he reached out and took Seungcheol's hand, who looked at him with a scowl. But Jihoon simply smiled, put the straw between his lips and started drinking, Seungcheol raised an eyebrow.

"I meant eating, not drinking. I haven't given you permission to take away my drink," Jihoon laughed and looked at him defiantly as he drank without stopping. "You're going to finish it, aren't you?" Jihoon nodded with a smile. "Give it back," Seungcheol told him, laughing and grabbing the plastic cup, but Jihoon didn't let go and continued drinking. 

The two of them struggled a bit until the lid of the glass popped off, causing all the remaining drink to spill onto the table and the floor. Both of them rose quickly to avoid getting their clothes wet and looked at the mess they had made. They stood still for a moment thinking about what they would do until Seungcheol grabbed Jihoon's hand and pulled him out.

"Let's go."

They both ran out of the place and when they were finally out and far enough away they stopped and broke into laughter. Jihoon leaned forward and put one hand on his stomach from laughing so hard. 

"That was your fault," Seungcheol said while.

"Mine? That wouldn't have happened if you'd let me drink in peace!" he screamed, tapping him on the shoulder as they both laughed. 

It had been too long since Jihoon had enjoyed himself this much since he went out just to cause a little trouble while he was incredibly drunk. 

Seungcheol looked at him with a smile while the other was laughing and finally approached him by placing a hand on the back of his head and bringing it closer to his lips. Jihoon moved his lips as soon as he felt Seungcheol's on top of his and raised his hands to rest them lightly on the other's arms. 

As if it were the most normal thing in the world they continued to kiss until they finally parted for lack of oxygen. Jihoon laughed near Seungcheol's lips, who merely smiled. He was so drunk that he couldn't care less. 

"I don't even know you," Jihoon muttered with a smile.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I not make myself clear? My name is Choi Seungcheol, I'm 23 years old and I'm the guy who just invited you to dinner. See? We had a date and everything."

"Technically I invited you too, so don't take all the credit."

"So you accept that this whole thing was a date?"

"A pretty crappy date, if I do say so myself."

"But a date all the same."

"I've had better."

"Oh, I've got all night to fix that," Seungcheol said with a smile, offering his arm to him in an exaggerating manner.

Jihoon laughed and intertwined his arms to start walking quietly. Now it was really late, there wasn't a soul in the street. The two of them walked around talking quietly and laughing at whatever they were talking about.

"Come, I'll show you something," said Seungcheol, leading them into an alley.

"Yeah, I don't like this," Jihoon said, looking around.

"Trust me, come on. He took him by the hand and opened a back door to a building."

Jihoon looked at him with a scowl, wondering what he was going to do. They got into an elevator and Seungcheol pressed a button, Jihoon was too drunk to even notice which button he had pressed. Soon the doors opened and Jihoon stepped out of the elevator, guided by Seungcheol like a puppet. They walked down a corridor and Seungcheol opened a door with his free hand, Jihoon could feel the cold outside hitting his face, they were on the terrace of that building. He opened his mouth in surprise at how beautiful the city looked from up there, all the lights and the silence of the night. Seungcheol led him to the railing so that he could see the view better. 

"You're new to the city, right?" Seungcheol asked, leaning against the railing.

"A year or so," Jihoon answered without looking away from the city.

"Well, this is Seoul," he said with a smile, holding out his hand to show him the city.

Jihoon laughed and approached him to kiss him again. They continued talking on the terrace as if they had been friends for a long time, Jihoon could tell that Seungcheol was definitely invading his personal space. But he really didn't care that much, he liked being with Seungcheol like that. He liked Seungcheol. 

He laughed at one of the stories Seungcheol told him, and just then his phone buzzed with a new message. He let go of Seungcheol's hand and took out his mobile phone to read it. He was waiting for that message. He had sent a demo of one of his songs to a record company, he hadn't even asked to actually produce it, he just wanted to sell it to a bigger artist, that's how all the musicians started. 

_ "We regret to inform you that your demo has been rejected..."  _

Jihoon stopped reading and blocked his phone quickly, suddenly feeling everything around him move and tremendous nausea in his stomach. 

"What's wrong?" Seungcheol asked Jihoon had stared at the floor for a second after reading that message. 

"Nothing," he replied quickly raising his head. "I think... I think I'm going to go home. It's really late and I've had too much to drink." he said, taking a step back.

"Are you all right?" Seungcheol asked, looking at him with a scowl.

_ ‘No.’ _

"Yes, it's alright. I'll leave on my own," he said, trying to give him a slight smile. 

He turned and started to walk towards the exit.

"Jihoon," he heard Seungcheol call for him, he stopped for a moment and took a deep breath.

"What?" he said, turning to look at him, trying not to look completely devastated.

Seungcheol looked into his eyes and Jihoon didn't really have to wait for him to say anything because he knew exactly what he wanted to say. He only knew the guy for a few hours and yet he had gotten to know him so well that he was surprised at himself.

"My... My song... I sent a song to a music company to sell it and have someone produce it, but they just rejected it," he explained slowly, putting his phone in his pocket and leaving his hands there.

"Jihoon... It's all right, Jihoon. You'll have plenty of other opportunities."

"You don't understand, Seungcheol. I've lost count of the number of times my music has been rejected, that was the best song I've ever done."

"You can always improve Jihoon, you can't go down for that, if they don't like it there, someone will."

At that moment it started to rain and Jihoon thanked that because then Seungcheol wouldn't see the tears on his face. 

"You don't understand," Jihoon muttered, lowering his head and letting his tears fall to the ground, camouflaged by the recent raindrops that hit the ground at the same time as his tears. 

"Jihoon, don't..." Seungcheol began to speak and just then his phone started ringing. "Sorry, I have to take this, just wait a second." Seungcheol apologized walking to the door that led them back to the elevator. 

Jihoon raised his head when he felt Seungcheol walk by his side and turned to look at him. He was talking quietly as if it were work. After all, it was so late that it was already early for some people. 

And at that moment he realized that this night was over, as much as the sun had not yet risen and the moon was above his head, he could tell that this incredible night had come to an end. Seungcheol had a life, he had a job, family and friends. 

And what did Jihoon have? Only failure. 

He was a failure. 

It was what had always been imprinted on his face. He looked back at the city and could see the lights that shone in the darkness of the night, even though the night was actually over and a new day was about to begin. 

He felt a lump in his throat and couldn't help but burst into tears. That was his best song, he had worked so hard on it, he had put so much of himself into it. It didn't make sense if none of the agencies he had submitted it to were rejecting it, it just meant that his music wasn't good. And Jihoon didn't know how to do anything else, he didn't want to do anything else. Seungcheol wasn't going to stay with him, his parents wouldn't talk to him again, he couldn't talk to any of his friends again because they probably thought he had abandoned them. 

He took a step forward and walked over to the brick railing, he climbed one knee and then the other, and then stood staggeringly because of the alcohol, he would have cared about that if he wasn't about to jump. He looked forward one last time and...

"Jihoon!" he heard Seungcheol's voice and his hasty steps approaching him. "What are you doing? Get down from there!"

"No, let me go. Go back to your stupid life, I'm just a nuisance," he said, feeling his tears wet his face, even though the rain did too. 

"Jihoon, what are talking about? Please come down and think about things for a moment, please." Seungcheol sounded desperate as if he actually cared whether Jihoon jumped or not.

"You don't understand, Seungcheol! My parents hate me and have probably told all my friends that I'm dead or that I'm never coming back. I've been in this city for a year now and all I've received is laughter and mockery because of my music. If my music was really good, someone would have liked it by now. Besides, I haven't made any friends in all this time and that has to mean something."

"Somebody's going to like your music, Jihoon, you just have to wait, keep trying."

"I've already tried!"

"Try again!" Jihoon buried his face in his hands and kept crying. 

"I have no one Seungcheol, I'm tired... I'm so sick of suffering."

"You have me," Seungcheol muttered behind him.

"No, I don't have you. I've had you for one night, and now you're just going to go back to your normal life."

"It's been a great night, Jihoon."

"That's why I want it to be my last," he said with his head up.

"I'm not leaving you, Jihoon."

"That's what everyone says! You've known me for a few hours, how can you say that?"

"Because I know!"

"I don't believe you." Jihoon took a small step forward, ready to end the suffering. 

"Sing it!" Seungcheol shouted desperately.

"What?" Jihoon stopped and tried to stop crying.

"Sing the song. One last time, let all of Seoul hear you." Seungcheol pointed out.

Jihoon thought it was dumb, no one was going to hear him, yet he started singing the song quietly at first, trying to stop crying. By the time he reached the chorus, his voice had become clearer and his volume had increased, uttering those verses that meant so much to him and that melody he had worked so hard on. By the last few verses, his voice was choked up and when he stopped singing he was crying his eyes out.

"Do you really want this to be the last time you sing that beautiful song?" Seungcheol asked.

Jihoon put a hand on his face trying to stop crying and slowly shook his head.

"Come here." Seungcheol circled his knees with one arm and offered his hand to help him down from there.

They were both were completely drenched in the rain, but he still felt Seungcheol's warmth as he hugged him to calm down. He didn't know if it was because of the level of alcohol in his body, having been at such a high altitude, or because of exhaustion, but Jihoon lost consciousness completely in the midst of that embrace and felt that it had all been too much for him to take without it taking a physical toll. 

* * *

Jihoon slowly opened his eyes, feeling a massive headache. He drunk too much the day before, he shouldn't have done that, he wasn't good at drinking. But that's what happens when your life sucks and all you want to do is die.

He didn't remember anything about the night before, he just remembered arriving at the bar and starting drinking non-stop, he was really sick of it all, he wished he didn't have to wake up.

He sat up slowly and put one hand on his bedside table to grab his glasses, but just above his glasses, he felt a piece of paper. He turned his head and saw a small note, he put on his glasses to read it.

_ 'Hey! It's Seungcheol :) I had a great time last night. Although you were really drunk and I don't think you remember that I brought you home. It was just so you knew. I hope you feel better!' _

Jihoon crumpled up the note after reading it and threw it aside. Great, he slept with some stranger the day before. At least that stranger had been decent enough to bring him home, the big question was: Where had they done it if he had to bring him home? 

He put those thoughts out of his head and grabbed his cell phone to see if he had any messages.

Nothing.

Again. Jihoon was seriously wondering if anyone cared at all. Yesterday was his fucking birthday and no one thought to congratulate him, nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not even his relatives. But again, they probably thought he was dead, plus he changed his number so his parents couldn't reach him. 

He'd say he didn't care because he was Jihoon, he doesn't need anyone to be happy.

But he did care. He cared a lot.

He wiped a tear from his face and got up from his bed to walk to the window. He wondered if anyone would really notice if something happened to him, or if anyone would care. He was tired of having that doubt. He opened the curtains determined to open the window and get it over with. But something stopped him. Another note.

_ 'Don't do it. Call me: xxx-xxx-xxx' _

Jihoon quickly closed the curtains and slid down the wall and began to cry. Whoever that guy was, he had just ruined his one chance to end his suffering. He took his cell phone in his hands and looked at his contact list. It was so short that it hurt. He had some professors from his university, agencies that had already turned him down, and two classmates from a group project they had already turned in. 

Then there was him.

Jeonghan. His best friend since childhood. He was like a brother to him. But when his parents kicked him out of the house he felt so bad that he thought everyone would react like that if he came out. That's why he left without saying anything. He lost his phone on the way and decided to change his number. But after he had typed in that number so many times it stuck in his head and he saved it in his contacts unconsciously one night. Without calling, without telling him he was still alive. 

He was afraid to know how he would react, afraid that maybe he already knew the reason why Jihoon had to leave and that's why he hadn't looked for him in all that time. 

He sighed and blocked his phone, trying to forget everything. The note stuck to the window and the number of his best friend.

* * *

Several weeks after his failed suicide attempt, he still hadn't had the guts to open the curtains. He was arriving home pretty late one day because he had been studying at the library. He took the keys out of his pocket and when he looked up to look at the door he found a piece of paper stuck to the door.

"No," Jihoon muttered, peeling off the sign. 

It basically said that if he didn't pay all the rent he owed, he would be out on the street. But surprise, he had no money, the scholarship money hadn't come in yet because he hadn't finished the semester and he could barely make ends meet. He ran a hand through his hair, he wanted to cry so bad, he crumpled the paper in pure rage before opening the door and then slamming it shut. 

He walked over to the sofa and left his things on top of it, sighing. When he sat down and was about to turn on the TV to distract himself his phone buzzed. He took it out of his pocket and looked at the email he just got, it was from his headteacher.

_ 'Lee Jihoon, I've spoken to your teachers and I'm afraid you're in danger of failing two subjects. I understand you're in a difficult situation but your scholarship will be revoked if you don't work harder.' _

"You have to be fucking kidding me!" he asked to no one after reading the email.

He put his phone in his pocket and leaned forward to bury his face in his hands. He tried to calm down but he couldn't really see any way out of that dark tunnel. He began to feel tears soaking his face and couldn't contain himself any longer. 

He felt his throat closing slowly and it was getting harder and harder to breathe, he staggered to the kitchen feeling like he was bumping into some things on the way as his eyes were watery and he couldn't see things around him clearly. He started crying uncontrollably without being able to avoid it, he couldn't breathe and he was hiccupping from sobbing so much. He opened several drawers desperately and moved the silverware with his trembling hands. Finally, he found what he was looking for and picked up the knife. It was very easy, a deep cut in the right way and it was all over, all that suffering was over once and for all. He looked at the knife with his tearful eyes and lifted his wrist so as not to waste any more time, it even hurt to breath. But as he moved the knife to his wrist his field of vision became clearer and he could see that behind the knife he was holding previously was his room.

And there it still was.

That hanging note that he had been too cowardly to pick up or throw away. His hand loosened around the knife and he let go of it, the sound it made as it hit the floor echoing in his ears, letting him know that suddenly everything sounded as if it were far away. Because suddenly he was far away from it all, and he wanted to be far away as soon as possible, but he took a step forward and everything made sense.

He started to walk to the window slowly and with his still shaking hands he grabbed his phone in his pocket, he tried to wipe his tears away once more feeling them continue to fall down his cheeks without stopping.

His fingers were shaking so much that he made a couple of mistakes when writing down the number, but finally, he hit the dial button and felt everything around him come down to those beeps that sounded. As if it was his last lifeline, his heart beating slowly as he walked away from everything that was hurting him.

Suddenly the beeping stopped and his heart stopped.

"Hello?"

Jihoon sighed with relief as if that simple word had given him back the life he had left. Someone had answered his call, and even if that person didn't know who he really was, he felt damn good.

"Who is it?" the guy's voice asked again.

Seungcheol. He remembered his name.

But he couldn't say anything, he just kept crying, and he didn't know if he was doing it out of pain or out of happiness because someone was talking to him.

"Jihoon?"

Suddenly his heart began to beat very quickly and he covered his mouth in surprise, yet he was not strong enough to articulate a word. He fell to his knees on the floor and leaned slowly against the wall, bringing his knees up to his chest and unable to stop crying. Surely Seungcheol was listening to his choking cries.

"Are you all right?" there was a short pause, "What am I saying? No, you are not. Listen to me Jihoon, it's not worth it. I know you have problems with people who should be close to you, you told me. But I'm not going to tell you that they love you and that they really care about you because I don't know them and that's just stupid plus I know you must have heard it a lot of times." there was a little pause "I'm here to tell you that you're worth it. Not because of your friends, not because they love you. Because of you. Because when you're alone at night and you feel that it's not worth going on, as I think it must be the situation now, there will only be you to pick yourself up off the ground and go on." Jihoon sniffed his nose and listened carefully to what he was saying, his voice was deep and raspy, it was so soothing, it seemed like he was whispering that in his ear "The night you were with me... I had such a good time. You're so funny Jihoon and I don't think anyone realizes that. You have a beautiful voice that shouldn't be spoiled by your crying and amazing eyes that shouldn't be wet with tears. You told me that you like music and that it relaxes you, are you going to stop listening to music forever?" Jihoon could almost hear Seungcheol's smile as he said all those things "There are so many songs to listen to yet! You've got to be kidding, what about the ones you do? You can't deprive the world of knowing that beautiful voice you have with those beautiful tunes you make. You sang me one of your songs. It was so beautiful. I think it was..."

And Jihoon could hear Seungcheol starting to sing one of his songs, he laughed slightly as he heard Seungcheol singing it quietly. He sang really well for that low voice, actually, he was a really good singer. Jihoon wiped away his tears and started singing it himself. Seungcheol was right, his voice sounded raspier after crying. But after a couple of lines, he began to sing a little louder, and he no longer had a knot in his throat. 

They sang together for a while until Seungcheol stopped singing and heard Jihoon utter a few more lines.

When he finished, there was only silence between them. 

"Thank you," Jihoon muttered after a while.

"You don't have to give them. You deserve those words, every day."

"Thank you, I mean it" Jihoon muttered, crying again, but this time for a much different reason than before, he was happy. He was really happy. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't remember. I don't remember anything about that night, I don't remember you and I don't remember what happened," he said, crying because at that point he was just letting go of everything that had made him suffer for such a long time. 

"It's okay, Jihoon, it doesn't matter. Do you want me to go see you?"

Jihoon thought about it for a moment, calling a stranger at your worst moment was one thing, inviting them to your house was another. He ran a hand over his eyes, they were burning from crying so much.

"Okay," he muttered softly. 

"Give me 15 minutes and I'll be there. Wait for me." and he really meant those last words, as if he was afraid to get there and realize that fifteen minutes had been too long and he'd been late.

"Yes," he mumbled before hanging up. 

Fifteen minutes. He could do that. 

Well apparently not, because ten minutes later he was going crazy. Seungcheol had been quicker and soon he heard the doorbell. He went quickly to open the door. 

On the other side, there was a tall man with black hair and a dark, worried look. Jihoon looked at him without being able to say anything. He simply looked at him, waiting for something to happen. Seungcheol took a step forward and wrapped him in his arms. When he felt that familiar warmth he let his eyes drop the tears they were holding and buried his face in his chest, sensing the familiar scent, even though he really did not remember anything about that night.

"I'm so sorry, I don't remember anything."

"It's okay, Jihoon, really. Just... relax, everything will be fine."

"No, it won't be. Everything's going wrong and no matter how hard I try I can't fix it."

"So that's why I'm here, I told you, but I'm going to tell you again so you'll remember: I'm not going to leave you."

Jihoon parted from him and looked him in the eyes, he took a step backwards letting him in and closed the door.

Seungcheol ran a hand through his hair affectionately, and Jihoon found that touch familiar as well. 

"Can I ask you a question?" Jihoon spoke self-consciously.

"Of course."

"That night... Did we have sex?" Seungcheol laughed and Jihoon didn't see the humour in the question.

"No." Seungcheol answered, "Although you repeated several times that you wouldn't mind."

"I was so drunk," Jihoon muttered, running his hand through his hair.

Seungcheol approached him and placed both hands on his cheeks, running his thumbs down his cheeks to wipe away the tears from his face. 

"Let me comfort you one more night," he muttered near his face.

And the familiarity of his closeness made him slowly nod his head.

Soon they were both sitting on the couch. Well, Seungcheol was sitting on the couch, Jihoon was sitting on his lap, surrounded by his arms. There was nothing between them but silence, a comfortable silence. His head was resting on his chest, so he could hear Seungcheol's heartbeat.

Jihoon felt that Seungcheol was holding him so tightly that all his broken pieces were slowly coming back together again and his heart was beginning to beat at the same calm pace as Seungcheol's. 

He couldn't help but feel overwhelming fatigue hit his body and he fell asleep in Seungcheol's arms. Feeling the familiar touch but at the same time a distant and blurred memory of a night that presented itself as a dream. 

He opened his eyes slowly after a while, so tired that he had lost track of time. He didn't even want to open his eyes fully in case it had all been a dream, but he could feel a hand caressing his back gently and Seungcheol's cheek resting on his head as he was distracted looking at his phone. Jihoon fell asleep again without letting him know that he had woken up. 

The second time he woke up for a moment was when he felt a lot of movement and opened his eyes to find himself in his bed and watching Seungcheol as he covered him up with his bedsheets.

"Are you leaving?" he muttered, trying not to sound too broken, although he did. 

"No, I'll be next door, get some rest," he said with a smile as he stroked her hair, he left a kiss on his forehead, and left the room. 

Before Seungcheol turned off the light, Jihoon was asleep again. 

Jihoon felt that he was waking up again when he felt Seungcheol shake him a little bit, he was really sleepy and just wanted to keep sleeping, but he still raised his head slightly and looked at him.

"What is it?" he muttered with his eyes half-open.

"Someone wants to talk to you, here."

Jihoon frowned confused and leaned forward to put the phone to his ear. Who would be calling him? He had been in that city for a whole year and the only person who had called him had been one of his teachers.

"Hello?" he asked, still somewhat asleep, but curious to know who it was. 

"Jihoon, it's been so long!" he felt his stomach drop when he heard the voice of his best friend on the other end of the line, Jeonghan "Where have you been? How can you change your number and not tell me anything? Your parents told me that you went to study in America."

"N-no... I'm in Seoul," he answered, still surprised and not believing that he hadn't heard that cheerful voice in over a year. 

"Really? Great! I've moved here too, actually, I was only going to come here a couple of days a week for an internship. But my boyfriend studies here so I stayed."

"Boyfriend?"

"Yes! His name is Joshua, you have to meet him, he's studying music too, like you. You're still making music right?"

"Yes," Jihoon smiled when he noticed that his friend was as cheerful and outgoing as ever, and he was really not surprised when he felt a couple of tears fall down his cheeks, because in the end his great fear had been foolish and he could finally talk to him. 

"How nice! Because he's doing a project and he needs people who know about it..." 

"Wait a minute... Joshua what else?"

"Joshua Hong," he said, surprised that Jihoon even asked.

Jihoon moved his head surprised, he knew that guy, he was his senior at university and almost everyone in his class knew him because he already worked with a lot of music agencies.

"Are you telling me that I can participate in a project with him?"

"Sure! I've told him that you're really good at music, you're my only source of musical knowledge. I've missed you a lot, Jihoon! I want to..." he could hear a voice in the background that cut Jeonghan off "Jihoon I have to go, but I'm free tomorrow. Call me! Don't ever disappear again, we have to talk."

"Okay," Jihoon answered with a smile.

"See you!"

Jihoon lowered his phone from his ear as Jeonghan hung up. He raised his head to look at Seungcheol, still surprised, he was sitting at the edge of the bed.

"How did he...?"

"I called him," Seungcheol answered. "I'm sorry I looked through your phone, but I thought that perhaps someone you knew could help you and he was the only one who didn't have 'teacher', 'agency' or 'class' next to his name on your contact list."

Jihoon moved forward, wrapping his arms around him in a hug and kissing him at last.

* * *

_ One month later... _

Jihoon would have laughed, and probably cried, if someone had told him a month ago that he would be talking to his best childhood friend right now after he had recorded and helped produce a song.

He smiled as he felt a kiss on his cheek and turned to see that it was Seungcheol, who sat next to Jihoon at the table where Jeonghan and Jihoon were having coffee. 

"How did it go?"

"Well, we've finished it," he said with a smile. 

"Great, at least that's how I'm getting you back, I was about to ask you if you wanted to go out with Joshua instead of me," he said with a smile and placed his arm around his shoulders, both Jihoon and Jeonghan laughed.

"Get used to it, being musicians makes them complete zombies who forget to eat," Jeonghan said with a laugh. "Once..."

"What are you saying about me?" Joshua asked him, sitting next to him, as he returned from the studio next to the coffee shop. 

"Nothing," replied Jeonghan with a wide smile, and then he gave him a kiss. 

"Does it sound good?" Jihoon asked Joshua.

"It's great, I'm going to talk to Seungkwan and Seokmin so that..." Joshua began to answer.

"Jeonghan, how's your internship going, you're going to finish it, right?"

"Oh, yes. Although I've been given a chance to continue teaching there when I finish my degree," he said with a smile, Jeonghan was in his last year of college and was doing an internship at a primary school to become a teacher. 

"Okay, we'll shut up," Joshua said, taking the hint.

Everyone laughed and they started talking about different topics to change the repertoire. Jihoon casually rested his head on Seungcheol's chest, as Seungcheol was drawing him closer with one arm, and he could hear his heartbeat, it soothed him every time he heard it.

In his recently made 21 years of life, Jihoon had learned three things:

-Coke doesn't go well with everything.

-You meet new people.

-Things get better. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank u so much for reading! i wrote this a while back when "what kind of future" didn't exist so the song I imagined jihoon singing was downpour. sorry if it got too angsty :( I hope u liked it! feedback is always appreciated :)


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